How to Be a Team Player

I started to write this blog as a way, first and foremost, to get through a brief but challenging phase in my personal and professional development, and secondly to help other people in a similar situation.

I read a motivational quote recently which, in essence said “you are what you think’. I wanted to find mental strategies for thinking more positively and dealing with conflict during a trying time of my life. Namely, the penultimate semester of a degree during which I worked in a team of people half my age and who were speakers of a different language. In other words, their cultural backgrounds and life experience were similar – I was a complete outsider.

It has been my experience in Central Western Brazil that most people are pro-European and/or anglophile and that this may be because of a perceived novelty value. I suppose, bluntly put, having a British friend seems to provide some sort of kudos or proof of social intelligence.  This is my opinion after living in one particular city in one interior state, ie Cuiabá, the capital of Mato Grosso.

I realised quickly that I hated teamwork in this particular context, and I hated conflict, and the semester involved both.  So, how to get over these negative feelings, how to learn to enjoy teamwork, how to engage better with my fellow team-mates, and how to avoid conflict?  I wanted to find strategies to better equip me to for dealing with these issues, to enjoy the semester more, and to make the time pass more quickly!

Why was this necessary?  I enjoyed the first month. The argument arose in the second month, and was between me and the team leader. It involved a misunderstanding, as conflict often does, and I came away thinking that the whole matter could have been resolved with a simple “Can I give you an answer tomorrow?” The argument was over shift work, and initially I had agreed to an extra shift but without having first seen the shift rota on paper. When I did see the rota, it seemed unfair. So I texted the team leader early next morning.  My text was polite and to the point, but lead to an accusation that I don’t pay attention.

So I came away thinking “okay, I am going to pay attention. I am going to make the team leader work to help me understand.” I promised myself to honour her request, which was to tell her when I did not understand something. Even if this meant speaking up every few minutes. What else did I learn?  The importance of listening, because this validated the speaker, the importance of knowing when to take control of the interaction, because this resulted in her having more respect for me, and the importance of parting on good terms – she ended up saying she was not angry with me.

A few days later I confessed two two professors that I was considering leaving the course. I won’t, but it made me feel slightly better. This comment had been in confidence, but to my surprise it got back to the team leader. Anyway, it resulted in an impromptu meeting, which ended with the whole team telling me they were willing to help me.

But I did take control of the interactions, and this is something I shall explain how to do in future. Taking control of an interaction. This is something the PUAs teach. In closing, what fascinates me is the power of the human brain. Now, when I want to switch off from a conflict I compartmentalise, have a little impromptu bird watch, draft my blogs, think of my children, or use a whole host of NLP techniques. And the team leader and I are friends again.